Men: competitive

[I ENTER THE HOUSE, WEARY AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK.]

Housemate: HA! You’re just getting back from work and I’ve been home for hours. Look, I’m already eating soup! See, I’m nearly finished my soup! I’m speeding up my eating! Look, look, I’m going to finish before you’ve even put your bag down.

Me: What? What’s happening? I don’t understand - what are you even doing?

Housemate: I’m winning.