“burn my man, burn…“ by Mike Bateman
My little brother (the middle of the three of us) is in Nicaragua right now. I’m not entirely sure where.
Prior to that it was Mexico, having biked down from California, having driven from New York, having flown from Norway, having hiked from Italy… you get the picture.
He’s kinda broke at the moment. We talked about it - about what he could sell or do to make some quick money. I suggested he sell some of his photographs.
“It’s the only thing I… make, you know? I don’t draw or write.” he says. “I don’t want money for that.”
(He makes other things, but I don’t interrupt. He’s re-planting a garden now at the hostel / tour center where he’s staying, in exchange for a place to sleep and food. He gets excited when he talks about learning how to grow things; when he talks about lettuces, beans, carrots.)
I tell him film is expensive. He needs to cover his costs. Either that or go back to a digital camera.
“I don’t want want to go back to digital. It’s… there’s a few reasons. Every time I take a photograph now I have to assess it, see if it’s worth using my film for. I have look at how I get the best angle, if the light is wrong, what’s actually happening… If I get a digital I’d just spend that time taking 15 or 20 bad photos.”
“That makes sense, I guess,” I say.
“I just don’t want money to change that either. I don’t want my photos in some travel magazines promoting a place that doesn’t look after the locals and is just filled with terrible tourists. These photos mean something to me about a place and I can’t… I can’t see how anyone else would enjoy them without that.”
The tone in his voice is one of genuine worry. This is something precious he doesn’t want to change, even a little. It means too much.
So he’s just going to keep taking photos slowly and on film. No digital camera. I doubt he’s even heard of Instagram. And he’s not going to sell them, despite the fact he’s a little broke. And he’ll be thinking about the situation each time, and the light, and the angles, and the layout. Most importantly, I guess, he’ll be thinking about the people and places involved, and what it means to him.
And then: *click*.
I really hope that one day I love and worry about something I make as much as my little brother does with every single photo he takes.
