everything in the sky

It isn’t often I write anything on here, for any number of reasons. Largely because I simply stopped blogging a while ago, annoyed when I re-read my own posts and sensed they were largely White Whine / First World Problems / Emo posts. When I do write anything else (like this or that time I tried to calculate the percentage Batmans per present population) I tend to fight the urge to delete it every time I read it. I’m happy enough being my own worst critic.

But I still enjoy writing. I enjoy formulating my thoughts into something that could be read and finding that, in the process, I better understand what it is I’m trying to write about. With this in mind I’m going to try to sum up this year, for me. It’s also at this point you should probably just stop reading.

It’s been an interesting one, at least. I ended last year travelling in New Zealand and South Africa for 4 months, having tired of (and quit) my previous job, which consisted of spending most of time in Moscow. I started this year in South Africa at my dad’s house, entirely unsure of whether I wanted to study, work or somehow quit everything. ‘Burnt out’ is too dramatic, but I wasn’t happy with my life - the lack of social life brought on by the job, the pressures I’d been put under and a lack of direction. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to stay in IT.

So after I’d travelled I came back to England and thought about things for a few weeks. I needed to get out of debt. I also realised I couldn’t escape into education again, as that wouldn’t solve any of my problems. I figured the best thing for a social life was to find a job where no travelling was involved and, given that my previous job involved a lot of client-facing work, that it should be almost strictly development. I managed to complete a few fun personal projects in the mean time and then started working.

And since then it’s gone surprisingly to plan. My social life picked up and I found myself with an amazing girlfriend. The girlfriend was a beautiful, argumentative social butterfly who constantly brought me out to places I wouldn’t even have considered going to. Work turned out to be interesting and strictly involving Software Development. I moved into a much smaller flat with just my best friend, as opposed to the previous flat of 6 people. This turned out well, the flat being so ridiculously male that occasionally women as far as 20 feet away would suddenly find themselves impregnated. Work performance reviews indicate I’m coming along as a Developer. I rediscovered a Twitter, and consequently Favrd.

But as the year ended the work slowly turned formulaic and the girlfriend ended up becoming an ex-girlfriend. And now, once again, I find myself wondering what the next challenge is. (I’m not saying I’m one of those people who define their life as a series of ‘challenges’, so much as that life seems sometimes to be an endless series of bastards, each with their own specific agenda.)

I guess I’ve finished 2008 having learnt a few things: that I’m fully capable of spending all day programming and that this is only interesting to a point. That I’ve still no idea when it comes to relationships or love. That I’m still far, far too independant for my own good. That Software Development, at least at my level, isn’t as creative as I’d hoped and that I need to start creating again. That the economy apparently rests in the hands of bastards and idiots. That, regardless of what I say, I still have no capacity for tequila.

So what’s next? I don’t know, honestly.  I don’t suppose I started this post thinking I would. But I think I’m starting this year with more purpose than the last. And I know more now. And I guess that’s a good thing.

Here’s to a sexy-ass 2009 though, amirite?